Four Antidotes To Procrastination

As a counsellor, procrastination is something I help clients to overcome, often as part of enhancing their confidence in their capabilities more generally. But this article briefly describes my approach to procrastination specifically, in hopes it will also help other people.

Procrastination is finding ourselves avoiding taking action we know is important, not doing That Thing, whatever it might be, that seems too difficult, too emotionally demanding or utterly unrewarding or some combination of these.

The procrastinator sometimes shies away from examining their feelings too closely but is aware of an emotional resistance to making a start so The Thing remains undone, but not quietly. It continues to broadcast a nagging guilt, looming large in their minds not only as an undone Should-Be-Done but often as “proof” of a negative self-judgement: that they’re lazy, or incompetent, for example.

Procrastination is very different from simply being overloaded or spending too much time on unimportant things. If a task the client feels is important isn’t ever making it to the top of a To Do list than a review of their priorities often helps, perhaps along the lines of the Eisenhower Matrix. It’s not the same as being disorganised, either, although effective planning is a self-management skill I have also helped clients with.

Procrastination is not due to lack of time or inefficiency. Instead emotional blocks and unhelpful beliefs get in the way of taking timely action.

So how do I try to help? I have four ‘antidotes’ as I call them – each is a shift in perspective that changes an insurmountable ordeal into something achievable. As there are different reasons for somebody to struggle with procrastination not all the four antidotes below will work equally well in every case, but, combined with greater confidence, one of them at least should help. I describe them as:

1. Make it Badly
2. Make it Tiny
3. Make it Matter
4. Make it Make You Happy

Antidote 1: Make it Badly

This is the antidote to perfectionism and the internal self-critic, that nasty voice in our heads that gleefully, spitefully, tells us how bad we are at anything, how embarrassing. That especially paralyses making a start on any task where we fear other people’s judgements.

This is usually a reaction to a childhood of feeling the painful sting of being ridiculed and criticised: we’ve internalised our own version of the voices we heard then. Ironically, this internalisation is a psychological self-protection feature although it functions as a bug. It is trying, horrible as it is, to keep us from being hurt again, but dysfunctionally. We’re usually no longer in the same environment, stuck with the same people as we were when we first started imitating those external critics to keep ourselves in line. We have greater skills, options and capabilities. But we’re still running an out-of-date mental operating system. It’s keeping our worlds small out of fear, it’s stopping us giving full flight to our talents.

It tells us that unless we can write a genre-shattering screenplay from the first line and in the first draft, we shouldn’t start. If we can’t compose the perfect song, dance like a professional, write a guaranteed A essay or even just that difficult email, we shouldn’t start. We should put it off until somehow we’re magically, perfectly ready.

So this antidote is that you let yourself be mediocre. Give yourself permission to be truly awful. To be a complete beginner, if that’s what you actually are. But just start. You just have to begin somewhere, you just have to make The Thing exist at all, first. Start anywhere, with anything and build on it. Whatever you’re doing you can improve on later.

Write a list of bullet points for your thesis and expand out from that. Pick up the pencil and draw an outline that may become a painting. Strum the guitar randomly for ten minutes and see what chords your fingers find for themselves. Letting yourself be creative means cherishing and welcoming the average outcomes as the companions of the inspired.

The challenge is to sustain faith through this exploratory, revising process which is the truly hard part. Clients know well that stab of self-criticising despair that stops them in their tracks and causes them to abandon their project.

So as an adjunct to this antidote, I often spend a lot of time helping clients recognise that one example of their work is not a total verdict on their value as human beings. It’s all too easy for us all to conflate our actions with our Selves: “my first attempt was bad” becomes a shame-laden “I am bad.” I try to support them to expand their sense of self to be more than that. They are life-long; The Thing is of temporary, usually trivial, interest.

Antidote 2: Make It Tiny

Or, to put it another way, break down The Thing into a tiny commitment of time or a (series of) tiny sub-tasks that feel really achievable. All the procrastinator has do is get through a few minutes then, if they want, they promise themselves they can stop, guilt free. This last bit, the knowledge that the effort is very limited, is easily achievable, is crucial.

This is hardly a novel idea, I admit. “Time-boxing” or “baby-steps” are other ways of describing the same concepts. But I so often find that procrastinators visualise The Thing as always needing intense commitment for long periods of time. They focus on the effort, not the outcome.

In the procrastinator’s mind the tax return shouldn’t be started unless there’s enough motivation (i.e. panic) to get it finished in one go. Nor should the essay nor packing to move house. That’s no wonder if they’ve dealt with The Things in the past by procrastinating until the last minute and then pulling all-nighters to get it done. Intense stress, intense effort –  who wants that? So I try to teach them another way:

Time-boxing

What’s the smallest possible amount of time that you would find easy to commit to doing The Thing if you then give yourself permission to stop, guilt free, and celebrate that as a success?  Thirty minutes? Ten minutes? Five?

Ten minutes of exercise, or of clearing out the garage doesn’t seem like much but it’s signalling to the Procrastinator that they are moving forwards and most importantly, it’s helping to get them to make a start.  Just knowing they can stop after a very manageable amount of time often gives them confidence to actually continue much longer, once they’ve got going.

And with regular micro efforts, tangible progress adds up. The garage becomes slightly clearer,  the confidence that they can endure the difficult feelings (see Antidote 1) builds up. Knowing they have a safety net, an ejector seat handle to pull if they feel too bad.

Baby Steps

The same focus on achieveability but breaking down the task into the smallest possible sub-task generates momentum and creates the sense of progress. When you’re totally stuck, unable to make any start, finding the very easiest component action and doing that is how you can get some traction.

That means that, instead of cleaning the whole living room, start by just cleaning the coffee table. In fact, start by just gathering the cleaning stuff.

So instead of a last-minute, panicked, all-night wrestle with our tax return, it becomes, in ten minute increments:

Monday:	Gather receipts and other financial records and put them somewhere ready to refer to
Tuesday:	Work out how to log onto tax website
Wednesday:	Read through advice on completion
Thursday:	Fill in the easy bits (name, dates, address)
Friday:	Read one question and start to work on answer.

Antidote 3: Make It Matter

Doing something because you choose to is vastly different from feeling compelled to, dragged to, nagged into doing it. So being vividly clear what your motivation is for doing it, what the payoff is for you, is crucial so you can own that choice.

In my practice, I often work with clients to help them understand what is important to them. What kind of life they want to lead, what kind of person they want to be.

These are our values: not just whimsical abstract concepts but the bedrock of a congruent, purposeful life when expressed in the life choices we make, how we interact with other people and our day-to-day actions. So to overcome procrastination, being able to link The Thing we’re procrastinating about to a value, a result that matters, gives it a purpose for us, a payoff, a reward. That makes it not just something we have to do, but something we choose to do for the way it manifests our values in the world, whether or not there is a direct benefit (or avoidance of a negative consequence) for us. That is something to feel good about! That’s motivating!

Or, to put it more simply: does doing The Thing lead you towards the life you want to live and the person you want to be?  If so, then it’s a value-based action. Unfortunately, the connection between The Thing and a value may be tenuous or indirect and might take some mental gymnastics to make the link. But there is a reason you are considering doing The Thing. The question is, is it aligned to your values, or somebody else’s?

Living your life to fulfil somebody else’s values – a form of people-pleasing – is a whole different therapy issue so, for the rest of this article I’ll assume that doing The Thing does have an outcome that genuinely is important to you but, for some reason, is hard to start.

So when the short term benefits of NOT doing The Thing are all too clear in your mind, asking yourself:

• What will be the long term consequences if I don’t do it?
• Is doing it , or not doing it, going to lead me towards the life I want? The person I want to be?
• If not now, then when shall I get it done? How quickly can I get it put behind me so I can get on with that life?

For example, completing something tedious and time-consuming like a tax return has (for most people) little intrinsic appeal. But being able to link the effort involved to your value of wanting a well ordered and low stress life means getting it done moves you towards that life. So Present Day You chooses to sacrifice an evening to swearing at online forms so Future You doesn’t have worse problems with HMRC.

And, by the way, starting The Thing early, instead of the night before the deadline, also speaks to the value of self-care, of avoiding unnecessary stress, as well as the value of wanting to produce the best possible quality outcome.

This antidote is for more than just for the tedious slog tasks, though. It works for the things we’re afraid to do too. The daunting tasks, the things we’d love to think of ourselves as having done, that would make our worlds expand if we only could, if anxiety didn’t prevent us. It’s our values and our vision of a values-led life that gives us the motivation to commit to trying, of leaning in that direction. Overcoming that inhibitory anxiety is a process in itself but it is our values that push us onward.

Antidote 4: Make It Make You Happy

Very often people who struggle with procrastination miss out on a big source of motivation: the wriggly delicious warm glow of achievement. That happy rush of feeling proud of yourself. The harder The Thing was (for you) to complete, the more you deserve to be cheer-leading inside your own head.  

I often emphasise self-compassion and self-esteem in my practice. I often find clients would happily and loudly congratulate a friend for an achievement but, in their own case, they barely acknowledge it with a could-do-more shrug before raising their own bar of expectations higher and looking ahead to the next daunting Thing. Now where’s the fairness in that?

Procrastinators give far more attention to the daunting effort of doing The Thing and, to the extent they focus on the result, it’s often in judging it as good or bad. They don’t focus enough on the fact that there is a result at all, and therefore a payoff in cheering themselves on for having pushed, strained, fought, planned to make it happen.

The antidote to this then is to celebrate every success. Every 10 minutes. Every time you’ve got anything at all hard done. Keeping a written record, not just of your To Do list, but of your Got Done list, that you can review at the end of the day with a self-congratulatory pat on the back (if you’re that flexible). Get conscious of a heartbeat of achievement that gives you a sense of satisfaction until that becomes self-reinforcing and a motivator in itself.

Nothing is too small. If you had to push against any internal resistance, it goes on the list. If you had to push against the mind’s Can’t-Be-Bothered resistance and said, “yes, it matters to me. I will be bothered. I will do it” then cheer yourself on for having done so. Even if it’s only wiping down the sink. On some days, for some people, that small action takes everything they have.

That is bravery. That is epic.

So be kind to yourself.

But keep going.

~~oOo~~

If you would like to chat about the possibility of counselling to help you with procrastination or any other issue, please do contact me on help@brightnessbalance.com