A Secret History of Not Being Completely Fine in the Corporate World
It’s not that long ago that anyone who wore pinstriped suits to work (as we did then) kept their mental health struggles a closely guarded secret. Admitting to anxiety or depression or any other mental health problem was unquestionably ‘career-limiting’ in the private sector. Positive persona masks were firmly in place, practically rivetted on. If anybody asked, you were ‘great!’ 100% of the time. At least you tried to look that way.
From Secret Suffering…
But perhaps you struggled alone and in secret, perhaps only your family knew, or guessed, the reality that you felt hollowed out, empty and bleak, miserably trapped in uninspiring, frustrating work that you increasingly despised. Your confidence ebbing, you were afflicted by gnawing self-doubt, paralysed by anxiety or panic attacks. Perhaps you found relief in a pressured, after-work drinking culture, near-compulsory (if you wanted to be promoted) team-bonding that had more than a suggestion of collective, unacknowledged self-medication.
Then there was the crippling insomnia, the exhaustion that made every decision harder and your concentration more elusive, that the weekends didn’t relieve. The bewilderment that the achievements you’d striven for, and sacrificed so much for, hadn’t brought the fulfilment you had expected. What made it worse was your career looked so successful and enviable from the outside and yet you felt no sense of purpose, and little appreciation, except for the money which you were now using to try to buy happiness. But if you just escaped, who would you be then? What would you do instead?
…and Mortifying Quarantine…
So what happened if you did end up burning out, being unable to function, being unable to work? Well, even if colleagues privately felt some empathy and understanding, the consensus of the group, the team, the company, was (or you certainly feared it was) that you were a weak link, a liability and always would be. Or a skivver, fancying a few weeks kicking back on sick leave while the rest of the team pulled together to cover your job. On your eventual, HR-managed, return your role would be subtly, or not so subtly, downgraded to less critical. Colleagues would be palpably awkward and embarrassed. Not knowing what to say to you, fearing some outpouring or perhaps some contagion, the silence could be deafening. A few months of struggle seemed to leave a brand on your reputation that would follow your career for years.
…To ‘Safe Spaces’ and Sharing
Happily, in the last decade or so, many Executive teams and HR departments in the private sector have latched onto Wellbeing as an organisational value. There are now widespread attempts to create an atmosphere of psychological safety which is undoubtedly a very welcome development, even if it isn’t always successful or undermined by contrary, productivity-driving forces. Now, open discussion of mental health challenges is positively encouraged, albeit sometimes a little too emphatically.
Thankfully, no longer do you have to find a sympathetic GP who will provide a sick note with some euphemism for depression like ‘exhaustion’. Instead there is an actual eagerness to offer support. I genuinely believe the vast majority of Wellbeing champions who actually deliver those HR sponsored programmes are sincerely committed to trying to help people feel less isolated in their struggles and to connect them to the help they need. Employee Assistance Programmes really do tremendous work.
The Guarded Reality
And yet, and yet, and yet. Productivity and value-for-money are, and always must be, the true gods of a for-profit organisation if it is to survive. The more you’re paid, it’s easy to think, the less patience there is for you not delivering what you’re paid for. If we share too freely that we’re way below par with no sign of an uptick or if we really do “take all the time you need,” how long will patience hold out? We worry about how long we can visibly struggle and not shake confidence in our capacity to return to fully fired-up form. The answer is different for each organisation’s culture and the attitudes of the individuals involved but the ghost of that “liability” label still haunts the breakout pods. Underneath the poster for the free access to a mindfulness app.
As the economy strains, the job market contracts, AI threatens to disrupt whole sectors, we’re feeling less safe, less secure in our employability, less willing to risk bringing our whole, authentic selves to work and risk too much transparency we may later regret. So while mental health in general is now a routine discussion topic at work, people remain guarded about sharing their own, specific, struggles. This is particularly true the higher up the hierarchy one reaches, and especially for men, for whom a social pressure to live up to stereotypes persists.
Getting Help
Back to those Employee Assistance Programmes. If available, they usually offer a fixed number of counselling sessions, perhaps 6 or 8, typically emphasising Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, or CBT.
This is a well researched and efficacious counselling modality, very widely used (including by myself when appropriate) that focusses more on the here-and-now rather than the past. For example, it may help you change your thoughts about, or reactions to, a certain trigger situation in order to change your feelings about it. CBT can effect significant reductions in distress in relatively few sessions and is an excellent tool in any integrative psychotherapist’s toolbox.
But it can be superficial, and in so few sessions even the best EAP counsellor can only hope to help you tackle the most urgent issue, and without much scope to explore the underlying, hidden causes. The effect can be similar to turning a nearly boiling pan down to a simmer. For the sufferer, this is still a significant relief of course, which is why CBT is so valuable.
Brightness & Balance Psychotherapy – Tailored to Your Needs
On the other hand, if you’ve noticed some repeating themes in the difficulties you experience and you would like to understand your attitudes, feelings and reactions at a deeper level, then I can provide a more in-depth treatment approach. I can help you examine the earlier life origins of some of your emotional difficulties – where the past is still loudly echoing in the present, and at your own pace. Together, we can discover your true values which may be different from the ones that have trammelled your life so far.
Together, we can consolidate a felt sense of your identity – who you truly are despite the expectations and projections of others. This can guide you to a deeper sense of purpose and self-esteem and a pivot to a new direction in future with actions and goals to be achieved. On the way there may be losses and lost opportunities that wait to be acknowledged, understood and mourned. I can be with you as you do this.
I offer video and phone counselling outside of 9-to-5 working hours which can fit round your commitments and without the diary wrangling to manage being in the same place every week. You can overcome the pain you’re feeling and find your balance from a safe and convenient place of your choice. If you are interested in exploring working together, I offer a free introductory call to answer your questions. Please do get in touch at www.brightnessbalance.com/getstarted.
An Accepting Future
It’s a wonderful relief that that shame, that utmost necessity for secrecy about mental health problems, has receded in the private sector. Here’s hoping that focus on fostering good mental health only gathers strength. Meanwhile, my pinstriped suits are in a box in the loft, awaiting the inevitable return of fashion’s favour.
